They put words to the nameless nightmares. They try to take them from her. To own them and contol them. tuck them into their neat little boxes so they can file them away. File her away. But it’s never that tidy.
They leave her alone. Locked away. Remembering. She suspects she’s rare. Or perhaps lucky. Or unlucky. She knows. She understands. Even when the lines vanish and the memories burn along her skin. Even then. Even as she loses herself in time and space. She knows that its not real. It was real. It still is real. she never forgets where she is. That they overlap.
She wonders then if that is worse. She functions well enough to pass. To be passed over. To be ticked as ok. To be filed away. She watches. Knowing. Her mind is fracturing.
She saw him today. Today he was real. He looked different. No overlap. No ghost to be waited out. No pinch to wake her up. Fleshy and pudgey. Not how he is in the ‘nightmares’. Monster her monster. Uncollared and free and normal. Not twisted and fragmented in skin coloured shadows.
Was that the sound of breaking glass?
In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid.
So I would suggest that any attempted seduction of a writer would probably go a great deal easier for all parties if you sent them a cheerful note saying “YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION: Please come to dinner on Friday Night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.”
And alcohol may help, too. Or kissing. Many writers figure out that they’re being seduced or flirted with if someone is actually kissing them.”
The rape joke is that at the time,
you didn’t know people had sex to express love.
The rape joke is that the only other person
who’d seen you naked was your mom.
The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first.
The rape joke is that he held your hands together
and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled.
The rape joke is that you believed him
when he told you were overreacting.
The rape joke is that your grandma
called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner.
The rape joke is that he winked at you
when you apologized to your parents for not coming
downstairs the first time you were called.
The rape joke is that his friends
high-fived him for “getting some.”
The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like
you’ve regrown the pieces he stole.
The rape joke is that he was conceived when his
dad slapped himself into his snoring mother.
The rape joke is that her friends told her
she was lucky someone wanted her.
The rape joke is that each year in the United States,
32,000 other women’s bellies
ripen with life against their will.
The rape joke is that he never learned
to touch without scarring.
The rape joke is that your classmate thinks
‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’
is an argument.
The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing
you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test.
The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’
is a popular Tweet right now.
The rape joke is that you wake up to
the memory of him laughing,
“now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and
you still quiver when someone touches you.
The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing.
The rape joke is that you forgot how to.”
Inspired by this. (via soggypoetry)
The rape joke isn’t funny and never has been (via conor-broberst)
fun prank; tell women they’re only good for romance, sex, and having children. and then laugh at them for wanting romance, shame them for having sex, and act like they have to give up all facets of their personalities if they become mothers
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog” (via verthandi)
I’d like to add that this a great book on the effects of abuse and trauma on the brain, especially in refuting the horrendous myth that abuse is something children can more easily recover from. Obviously, it’s an extemely upsetting and possibly triggering read, but I definitely recommend it.